How to Stop the Loop of Negative Self-Talk

I’m usually a positive person, but earlier this summer, I noticed that my inner voice (and sometimes my outer one!) was starting to drone on like Charlie Brown’s teacher. 

During my treatment for and recovery from cancer, I was vigilant about maintaining a positive mindset and keeping people with positive energy around me. But as the ongoing challenges of recovery and a global pandemic continued, I found it hard to consistently be positive. My attention shifted more to my fatigue and desire for things to be different.

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What I experienced is sometimes called ruminative thinking. The thing about rumination is that the more you do it, the easier it is to keep doing it.

I knew I needed more than resilience tools to snap me out of the cycle. A vacation did the trick. It was my first “real” time off in a year and a half, where I could unplug instead of dealing with medical issues. And it allowed me to break the loop of negative thoughts and feel like myself again. 

After vacation, I had the mental energy to start using the resilience tools that I know work for me. And I discovered that many of my clients couldn’t seem to shut off their negative thoughts. It’s understandable, given that stressful events can lead to rumination. And we’ve certainly had no shortage of stress lately! But when negative thoughts start spiraling, you can break the cycle. Here are a few strategies to try.

Give Your Brain a Break

Shaking things up and taking a break from the grind of daily routines can reboot your brain – especially if you focus on what energizes you.

I did this by using my vacation to reconnect with close friends, get out in nature, and challenge myself — hiking, rafting, ziplining and other outdoorsy adventures. Being in the middle of nowhere and away from my technology helped me unplug. Researchers have found that a 90-minute walk in nature or exercise reduces ruminative thinking. Learning is another research-backed way to short-circuit rumination because it helps you focus your thoughts on the moment. For my son and I, learning to fly fish did the trick.

How can you shake things up and recharge? Even a one-day staycation can be mentally invigorating. Do something to get you out of your daily patterns and reconnect you with your authentic self.

Honor Your Feelings

Until you can make time for a break, you can turn down the volume on your ruminative thoughts.

I work with high performers, who often use logic as a key driver in how they approach the world. Logic is valuable but you can’t rationalize your way out of a loop of negative thinking.

Your logical mind may tell you that it makes more sense to forget about whatever is bothering you and just move on. But your emotional mind won’t let go as easily. Rather than trying to talk yourself out of your feelings, see what happens when you acknowledge what’s happening. By giving yourself permission to feel the way that you do — even if you don’t want to feel those emotions – you will move through your emotions more quickly.

Enlist Some Help

Get an outside perspective to help you stop ruminating. Ask someone whom you trust and who will be honest with you to help you snap out of negative thinking. Give them some guidance about how to help you in advance. For example, tell them that if they notice you complaining about the same things over and over, to remind you of the tools and tactics that help you feel more resilient. Below are some resources you can have on hand for when you need them.

• How to Discover Your Resilience

• Escape These 7 Thinking Traps

• How to Move Forward Amid Uncertainty

• 10 Ways to Use Your Body to Change Your Mind

• How to Overcome Negative Feelings

Remember that the goal isn’t to stop negative self-talk from ever happening. It’s to help you break the cycle more quickly. If you’ve found yourself ruminating lately, what’s the first step you will take this week to make a shift?

How to Set Yourself Up for Success

Over the past few weeks, I've shared a series of articles about taking stock of where you are, what you're really about and what you want to create for yourself. We've talked about getting unstuck, defining success on your own terms and using passion to overcome fear.

No matter what you're working toward in your life, there's one more factor that can make a big difference in whether you achieve it: the messages you hear from both yourself and others.

Talk Back to Your 'Gremlins'

Some of the most important words you need to hear will come from you – the everyday messages and stories you tell yourself. When you're making a change in your life, the negative voices in your head can really kick into overdrive. I call them our "gremlins." Your gremlins might be pretty harsh, especially if you typically expect a lot from yourself. Maybe you’re thinking about leaving your company for new opportunities, but your gremlin keeps saying, “You’ll never find a job that is better than this one. You’re crazy to leave this well-paid position and start over somewhere else.”

But it's important to realize our gremlins are notoriously unreliable. Usually they're just our fear of change trying to be heard. And they'll pipe down when you talk back to them. You can do that by reminding yourself of your strengths, your past successes and the positive feedback you consistently receive. Replace your gremlins' doom-and-gloom stories with more empowering ones. This takes practice, but it works.

Build Your Support System

No matter how great a cheerleader you are for yourself, you need support from other people, too. Get the right supporters by your side and let them know how they can best lift you up. Spend time with people who energize you, especially if there are other people in your life who drain your energy. You might even discover that you need to add more passionate, motivated people to your circle and let go of some people who leave you depleted.

And no matter what career stage you are in, seek out mentors who can help you with the goals that are important to you now. To think and play bigger, you need to interact with people who can offer you fresh ideas, experiences and perspectives.

Take a couple of moments now to think about the messages you need to hear from both yourself and others as you work toward your goals. What's one step you can take this week to either give yourself more support or to accept more support from others? As you consider this question, I invite you to explore the tools that Newberry Executive Solutions offers to help you keep building your success.