Leaders, Are You Ready for 2024?

In my last article, we explored how your team performed in 2023 and what they might need to thrive in 2024. Today, I'd like to focus on you. These five thoughtful questions are designed to help you conclude this year on a positive note and set the stage for a successful 2024.

Photo by Rebrand Cities

1. What Can You Do for Yourself?

As the year winds down and we look toward 2024, consider what changes could simplify your life. If constant distractions and interruptions are a challenge, discussing ways to streamline communication with your team could be beneficial. Alternatively, if you find coaching your team challenging due to time constraints, our New Lens® app might offer the supplementary support you need.

2. Are You Getting the Support You Need?

In our fast-paced lives, it's easy to neglect our personal connections. These relationships, however, are crucial, especially during busy or stressful periods. Don't hesitate to reach out proactively for support. For instance, you might ask a partner to encourage you to start your day with a walk or run if they notice you're overworking and becoming irritable.

3. How Will You Balance Results and Relationships?

As high performers, it's common to focus intensely on results, sometimes at the expense of nurturing relationships. Remember, effective leadership is about achieving goals through and with others. To build stronger relationships in 2024, consider setting aside 15 minutes each week for relationship-building activities, such as sharing articles or making introductions.

4. How Much Did Your Behavior Reflect Your Intentions?

It's important to realize that others assess not only your accomplishments but also the experiences others have working with you. Your intentions are vital, but if they are not reflected in your interactions, they may fall short. Regular feedback from peers can be invaluable in ensuring your behavior aligns with your intentions.

5. What Team Issues Did You Play a Role in?

Every team faces challenges, such as conflict, low performance, or stress. To prevent these issues from spilling into 2024, it's helpful to reflect on your contribution to your team's dynamics. For example, I advised a leader who was inadvertently enabling a problematic dynamic by taking over urgent tasks. By helping her team reprioritize instead, she made a positive change.

What insights did you gain from these questions? Were there any surprises? As you continue to develop your leadership skills, consider exploring our range of products and services, including the innovative New Lens® app, designed to make leadership coaching more accessible.

Here’s to being intentional in shaping what your leadership journey looks like in 2024!

How to Deal with Challenging Team Members

As a leader, you probably have at least one team member who has a knack for pushing your buttons. Your challenging team members may be high performers in many ways. But their negative behaviors still make life harder for you and the rest of your team. Today I want to share some ideas on how to address a difficult team member, as well as some specific responses you can use in the moment to redirect them.

Photo by fauxels

Give Timely Feedback

It’s easy to delay giving feedback, especially when you’re busy. But the cost is high — for you, for the rest of your team and even for the challenging team member — if you put off addressing the issue. Remind yourself that you are offering feedback out of genuine concern for everyone involved. Remember also that your team member probably wants the feedback because they know it’s important for their career development.

Focus on Impact

Once you’ve decided to offer feedback about a team member’s challenging behavior, the next step is thinking about how to present that feedback effectively. Help the employee understand their behavior by identifying it, providing information on when and where you’ve noticed it occurring, and sharing its impact. For example, maybe their habit of shooting down ideas surfaces primarily in meetings with a key stakeholder group. Talk about the effect, from what you see or what you’ve heard from others. “I know this isn’t what you intend, but I’ve heard others say that your communication style leaves them with the impression that you are resistant to their ideas.”

Next, offer ideas about what your team member should do more often or less often. Sometimes it can be very powerful to ask the employee to focus on how they want to show up in interactions with others. In other words, by helping them identify what they do want others to notice about them (for example, openness to ideas), they may stop engaging in the other limiting behavior.

You can supplement your own coaching and advice by connecting your team member with development resources like our award-winning New Lens® app. An assessment within the app helps them identify their developmental needs.

What to Say in 5 Challenging Situations

In addition to making a plan for giving feedback and providing development opportunities, you can also think about what to say when your team member engages in the problem behavior in a setting like a meeting. When others are present, it’s not appropriate to deliver the same kind of feedback you would one on one. But you can make statements that help your employee course correct and that keep the larger conversation on track. Here are a few examples.

• Challenging behavior: Naysaying. Your team member always seems to focus on why ideas will not work.

How to respond: "I understand your concerns and appreciate your perspective. What could we do to make this idea succeed?"

• Challenging behavior: Complaining. Your team member has a knack for seeing the glass as half empty and griping instead of resolving the problem.

How to respond: "Let’s take a few minutes to vent and then shift to finding a solution." 

• Challenging behavior: Derailing. Your team member distracts others from the core issue at hand.

How to respond: "I appreciate your comment. Just so I’m clear, please help me understand how it ties to what we’re trying to accomplish?"

• Challenging behavior: Taking on too much. Your team member has a habit of volunteering for tasks during a meeting, but then getting overwhelmed and creating a bottleneck.

How to respond: "If you take on this work, how much time will it entail? How does that fit in with other priorities you already have? What support might you need?"

• Challenging behavior: Getting lost in the weeds. Your team member gets bogged down in details and loses sight of what's really important.

How to respond: "Let's take a look at the bigger picture to make sure we’re considering the 'what' before we get into the 'how,’ and that we’re meeting our objectives."

This week, pay attention to your team members’ habitual behaviors and how they affect you and the rest of your team. Are there opportunities for feedback and coaching? And how do you want to respond when these behaviors surface?

What Leadership Skills Should Training Address?

As you continue to navigate a lean work environment full of change, are you looking ahead to next year to see how to develop your team’s leadership skills? Choosing a leadership training solution can feel like “one more thing” to tackle, so I’m sharing a series of articles to help make the process a little easier.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

In the first article, I shared some questions you can use to uncover what your team needs from leadership development training. This week, I’ll focus on helping you clarify the outcomes for your training solution. Remember, the program you choose doesn’t have to solve everything that’s going on with your team, but it should address your top two or three concerns. Below are common leadership challenges we hear about. Which ones affect your team?

Reducing Stress

I don’t have to tell you that everyone is busier than ever these days. Perhaps your team, like many others, is stretched thin because of staffing cuts or hiring freezes. According to findings of the Future Forum Pulse survey released in October, burnout is still on the rise, and 43% of professionals feel burned out. As a coach and facilitator who specializes in working with high-performing women, I was especially struck that the survey found 32% more burnout among women compared with men.

To be effective, leadership development solutions must address stress and burnout. Reducing your team’s stress burden will make it easier for all of you to deal with any other ongoing issues.

Prioritizing the Right Work

In a survey by Paychex Inc., 43% of respondents said a lack of time management skills is holding back their career advancement. As we navigate through uncertainty and change with lean teams, it’s no wonder that time management is difficult for many professionals.

To quickly gauge whether your team uses time effectively, ask yourself whether each member spends most of their time on their “Big 3”: the top three areas where they can have the biggest impact on the business. If not, aligning their capacity with what drives results should be a focal point in your leadership training program.

Improving Communication

Surveys consistently reinforce the importance of their employees’ communication skills, and leaders themselves say it is one of the most important leadership competencies. 

But, for many teams, the rise of remote work has introduced new communication challenges. Issues range from miscommunication over email and chat to overcommunication by managers who keep tight reins on remote workers to not knowing how to manage the volume of communication. The leadership training solution you select should reflect the new realities of workplace communication.

Developing Stronger Relationships

Closely related to communication is the ability to nurture productive relationships at work. Even before the pandemic, many high performers fell into the trap of keeping their heads down to focus on results at the expense of relationships.

Today, we have to be even more deliberate about relationship building. Research shows that employees find it harder to form a sense of connection with their colleagues in a hybrid workplace. And that impacts everything from collaboration to employee well-being. An effective leadership training solution should guide employees in how to build relationships with remote employees. If a training program involves peer learning or affinity groups, that in itself can strengthen relationships.

Engaging and Retaining Employees

One of the most important outcomes of a leadership development program isn’t necessarily part of the curriculum. Simply offering training and development is a big step toward keeping your employees engaged and retaining them at your company. In a 2019 survey, 94% of employees said they would stay at their company longer if it invested in helping them learn. A study that year by Sitel Group found that 92% of U.S. employees said that learning increases their engagement and motivation at work. 

What’s Ahead in This Series

As you consider the outcomes I’ve mentioned today, what is most important for your organization? With this in hand, you’ll be one step closer to selecting the leadership development solution that’s right for your team. In the final article of this series, I’ll talk about what effective leadership training looks like. In the meantime, I invite you to explore one of our newest leadership development solutions, the award-winning app New Lens. New Lens is designed to teach your team members how to manage their capacity, focus on the right work, communicate with impact - in a way that fosters connection and fits into their busy schedules. We would love to see if it can help you. Schedule your demo now.

Newberry Solutions in Forbes

If you follow me on LinkedIn, you know that I’ve become a regular contributor to Forbes through the Forbes Coaches Council. I love being part of this because it allows Newberry Solutions to have a bigger impact by sharing our proven strategies on a broader platform. 

Today I want to share the recent advice and insights that I and other coaches have shared. If any of these articles leave you wanting to learn more, you’ll also find links to additional resources from this blog.

Shift to a Positive Mindset

In the article “15 Hacks For Pessimists To Switch To A More Positive Point Of View,” I talked about how to notice your thoughts and feelings to recognize and combat your negative self-talk.

Learn more: “How to Stop the Loop of Negative Self-Talk.”

Cope with Change

We’ve all had to become more adaptable over the past few years. In the article “14 Coaches Explore What It Looks Like To Become An ‘Agile’ Leader, “ I stressed the importance of staying centered amid change.

Learn more: “5 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Centered Fast.”

Practice Empathy

Success is about relationships, and that includes relationships with customers or clients. So the topic “16 Ways To Treat Customers Like Humans Instead Of Numbers” is an important one.

Learn more: “Are You Being Strategic About Relationships?”

Network Effectively

What’s the best way to introduce yourself at your next networking event? I explain in the article  “14 Steps To Take A Networking Pitch To The Next Level.”

Learn More: “Networking for Results.”

Avoid DEI Mistakes

“11 Potentially Brand-Damaging Mistakes Corporations Make With DEI Initiatives” is a timely topic as more organizations put a stronger emphasis on diversity, equity and inclusion. As I point out in this article, commitments and allocation of resources must be aligned.

Learn more: “5 Eye-Opening Findings on Women at Work.”

Support Mental Health for All

Along with DEI, companies are also increasing attention on employee well-being. As the article  “How C-Level Leaders Can Address The Mental Health Needs Of Underserved Demographics” points out, this requires more than a one-size-fits-all approach. Different cultures in the workplace have different attitudes about seeking help with mental health.

Learn more: “What is Silencing? (And Why Your Company Must Care About It).”

Speak Up

Introverts have so much value to add to the workplace. The tips from me and other coaches in the article “How More Reserved Employees Can Make Their Voices Heard” will help you bring that value in a way that works for you.

Learn more: “Are You Keeping Your Gold Mine of Ideas to Yourself?”

Talk Face to Face

There’s a lot to navigate in this new world of hybrid work, including the best forms of communication in different situations. The article “14 Examples Where In-Person Communication Is Better Than Virtual At Work” is a guide that all leaders can use.

Learn more: “How to Deliver Tough Messages.”

Protect Your Capacity

Saying “yes” to everything has a cost. If you tend to keep your plate too full, check out the article “16 Ways Professionals Can Avoid Overcommitting Themselves At Work.”

Learn more: “4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life from Taking Over.”

Keep this roundup as a valuable resource for you, and share it with others. If these Forbes Coaches Council articles have you curious about what coaching can do for you or your organization, I invite you to explore our products and services, including the New Lens app. New Lens can help you bring the power of coaching to more employees, even when budgets and schedules are tight. Set up a demo now.

Bring Your 2022 Theme to Life

At the beginning of this year, I wrote in a LinkedIn post that I had chosen “ease” as my theme word for 2022. That sparked a great discussion about your theme words for the coming year. I loved the thoughtfulness behind what you chose, so I wanted to share some of the themes here along with resources to support each one.

Photo by Tj Holowaychuk on Unsplash

Peace

As I wrote recently, the leaders who stand out now are the ones who can show up in a calm and centered way. To do this, cultivate your own sense of inner peace. If your inner monologue of negative self-talk has you agitated, try these strategies for stopping the loop.

Pause

If you’re a regular reader, you already know that I am a big believer in the power of “the pause.” In today’s work environment, giving yourself some breathing room matters more than ever. Having trouble allowing yourself to slow down? Even a small break to notice what’s going on for you physically and mentally can help you course-correct and be more productive.

Simplify

The beauty of “simplify” as a theme word is that it can apply to so many situations. For example, reducing your physical and mental clutter can give you an energy boost while simplifying the way you communicate can build your executive presence.

Fairness 

This is a word we should all take to heart in 2022. The most recent Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Company and Lean In pointed out areas of inequity for women, especially women of color. Think about some ways you could make a difference for women at work. For example, help raise the visibility of qualified women who should be considered for opportunities.

Purposeful

As a coach who helps leaders get results through purpose, presence and power, “purposeful” gets me excited. To be more purposeful, take a moment to clarify what really matters most. Then redirect your time to making the highest and best use of your talents and skills in those critical areas.

If you have a theme word for 2022, I invite you to share it on my LinkedIn page. Looking for additional support to grow as a leader this year? Consider executive coaching with me or explore my self-paced tools, including the award-winning New Lens app.

Add Some Zen to Your Leadership Style

These days, it might feel like the only certain thing in our lives is uncertainty. In this atmosphere, how you show up as a leader can make all the difference for your team.  

I’m coaching a couple of leaders who excel in showing up in a calm, positive way. Very Zen indeed. Their presence works wonders to help ground and center others. I’ve seen it in action, and it’s powerful. It not only benefits their organizations, but also differentiates them as leaders.

Image by Schäferle from Pixabay

So, I want to do my part to help you notice how you are showing up. Your presence as a leader matters even more right now in the midst of work environments full of stress and change.

Take a quick look at the list below and rate yourself from 1 (for things you never or almost never do) to 10 (for the things you always or almost always do).

_____ My tone of voice reflects positive energy.

_____ The pace of my speech is evenly paced and calm.

_____ I take a moment to personally connect with others before discussing the topic at hand.

_____ I let others finish speaking without interrupting.

_____ When I respond, my response reflects that I heard what the other person said.

_____ I am fully engaged and present during in-person or virtual meetings; I don’t multi-task.

_____ I notice the stress level of others around me and adjust my style accordingly.

_____ I thank others and recognize them for their contributions.

Now that you’ve assessed how you’re doing, identify one area to prioritize for the next week. For example, to minimize distractions during meetings you might turn off email and instant message notifications. If you need to look at something urgent on your device during a meeting, consider letting other attendees know. (“It looks like Greg just emailed me the report we were waiting for, so I have to take a quick look.”)

To help you address any root causes that keep you from feeling grounded and centered, take a look at some of my past blog articles below. After all, it’s a lot easier to exude calm and Zen when you feel calm yourself!

• How to Stop the Loop of Negative Self-Talk

• Maintaining Focus in the Midst of Chaos

• Crazy Day? Here’s How to Get Centered

• How to Overcome Negative Feelings

• 4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life from Taking Over

And if you’re ready to take the next steps in building your leadership presence, I invite you to consider executive coaching with me or explore my self-paced tools, including the award-winning New Lens app.

What to Do When You Can’t Get a Response

You have a simple question. Or at least that's what you thought. But, for some reason, the colleague you are asking keeps saying they'll have to get back to you. Or perhaps they do respond to you, but their answer isn't relevant to what you need to know.

Image by Ernesto Eslava from Pixabay

When someone isn’t responsive to your questions, you might feel frustrated or even invisible. Getting the information you need while maintaining a good relationship with the other person takes both strong communication skills and emotional intelligence.

Clarify the Core Message

One reason the other person may not respond is that they may be getting lost in the details. Whether you're asking a question in conversation or via email, remember to present your "headlines” first. In other words, directly ask about what you want to know. Save the backstory and details. The other person will ask for more information if they need it.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Perhaps more than ever, many of us spend our days in a state of stress and distraction. When we're busy, our listening skills suffer. So even if you are clearly stating your question, the other person may not be processing what you are really saying. Consider your audience and tailor the approach accordingly.  What tends to work best? How can you make things easier?

Maybe They Just Don't Know

Some people are reluctant to say "I don't know" out of fear of coming across as incompetent or incapable.

Usually, the leaders I coach have already tried different strategies to make sure they are understood. But they often don't pick up that the other person is uncomfortable admitting they don't have an answer — especially if they themselves have no problem saying they don't know something.

Consider whether this might be going on in your situation. What does the evidence tell you about whether the other person actually has an answer to your question? Don't let their title or level distract you.

If you suspect they don't have an answer, you may have to help them figure one out in a way that spares their ego. For example, give them a couple of ideas to consider and get their reaction.

If you'd like to learn more strategies for leading confidently in any situation, check out my WOW! (Women on the Way to peak performance) Program℠. I've delivered WOW! at top corporations, and now it's available as a self-paced program that you can complete on your own, with a colleague or through your own informal learning circle.

The 5-Minute Strategy to Prepare for a Meeting

Meetings are opportunities to both advance your business goals and strengthen your personal brand as a leader. To make the most of every meeting, your preparation should include not just reviewing the subject matter, but also paying attention to the critical nuances that really drive success. Taking just five minutes to review these five questions can make a real difference in how your next meeting goes.

1. How Do You Want to Show Up?

If you only have time to think about one question from this article before your next meeting, make it this one.

Every meeting you attend affects how others perceive you as a leader. What do you want your colleagues to understand about your leadership? And how can you convey that through your presence and behavior during the meeting?

Also think about how you can align your demeanor with the qualities people associate with strong leadership. For example, if you tend to talk fast, you might be perceived as stressed and harried. So you can make a point at your meeting to speak in a way that sounds grounded.

2. How Will Others Show Up?

It's a pretty safe bet that the other people at your meeting are going to behave in the ways they typically do. Today is probably not going to be the day that your grumpy co-worker becomes optimistic or that the chronic interrupter starts allowing others to speak. If you go into the meeting expecting others will behave in their usual ways, you may take their actions less personally and be more open to engaging in a different way.

At the same time, though, it's important to be aware of any events or situations that could change how others show up. Does anyone attending have an especially heavy workload right now? Is anyone dealing with a family situation? If you have trouble answering questions like those about your colleagues, that could be a sign to start paying some extra attention to strengthening your relationships with them.

3. What Questions Might Others Have?

Many times, if someone questions your ideas, opinions or decisions at a meeting, it's because they don't understand the connection between your actions and the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department’s) goals and priorities, others may wonder whether your motivation is self-serving. So, as you prepare for your meeting, think about how you can "connect the dots" and help others understand your intent if they ask questions.

4. What Resistance or Objections Might Arise?

Even if you're proposing something at this meeting that seems like it should be a slam dunk, take a moment to think about any obstacles you might run into. What concerns might the other meeting attendees have? Preparing for pushback will keep you from being blindsided and help you disagree without being disagreeable.

5. How Will You Respond to Those Objections?

If you do encounter resistance, you can respond to it in a way that helps others feel heard and respected even as you are trying to win them over to your way of thinking. Different people can be influenced in different ways. The Center for Creative Leadership identifies three styles of influencing: 

• Head – a logical appeal focused on organization and individual benefits and typically full of data and facts

• Heart – an emotional appeal linked to something the person cares about such as individual goals and values

• Hand – a cooperative appeal that offers collaboration, consultation and alliances

The best tactic, of course, depends on your audience. So consider which approaches would work best for the different people at your meeting.

If you have a few minutes right now, answer these questions for the next meeting you have coming up. Want more leadership strategies you can put to use immediately? Pick up a copy of my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." It will help you start taking small steps that lead to big results.

How to Speak Up in Meetings (Best of the Blog)

Meetings can be tricky to navigate for anyone. But women often have some extra challenges that men don't face. Researchers have found that women speak less than men do at meetings, and, as a result of this, their contributions are often underestimated. But they can also be judged more harshly than men if others perceive that they speak a lot.

Today, I want to give you both the confidence and the practical strategies you need to be heard.

What Keeps You From Speaking at Meetings?

In your next meeting, pay attention to your comfort level voicing your ideas and opinions. If you find yourself not saying much, take a few minutes to reflect about what's really holding you back. Here are some common reasons I see time and again in my work with leaders. Which ones resonate with you?

• You feel like you don't know enough about the topic or that you know less than everyone else. This is not your area of expertise.

• You're not comfortable speaking off the top of your head.

• Putting your idea out there feels risky. What if they reject it?

• You hesitate to speak up around people with more experience or tenure than you have.

• You feel that it's rude to talk over or interrupt others, especially if they're more senior than you are, and that’s what it would take to share your idea in this setting. Or you don't want to seem pushy.

How to Speak Up More

Now that you have a better sense of why you don’t speak up in meetings, you can work on reducing your hesitation. For many people, this involves shifting their mindset and expectations of themselves.

If you're not comfortable speaking off the cuff or putting your ideas out there, realize that you're expected to do both more and more as you advance as a leader. Consider making these areas a focus of your leadership development, and look for safe ways to practice, such as volunteer opportunities.

If talking over others or interrupting feels rude to you, remember that you can be heard while still honoring your value of respecting others. First, hone your ability to read the room (even if the "room" is on video) and adjust your style accordingly. In a meeting where everyone is being loud, passionate and outspoken, you can "amp up" your typical approach without stepping on others' toes. In a meeting with this kind of crowd, it can be helpful to make your points early before everyone really gets charged up. 

Also consider whether any beliefs from your culture or your family might impact whether you speak up. For example, "I should always defer to people who are older and more experienced" or "No one likes women who talk too much." These ideas can be so deeply engrained in you that you're not even aware of them until you start reflecting about your underlying assumptions or values.

One of the biggest shifts you can make is realizing that you can add value to a meeting even when you don't have expertise or experience in the area being discussed. Sometimes your fresh perspective is the very thing that makes you valuable. When everyone else has been immersed in a topic, they may be unable to "see the forest for the trees" the way that you can as a relative outsider. 

You don't always have to have the answer or solution, either. Others can benefit just from hearing how you think about the problem. Your approach might be one that they had not considered. You can even add value just by synthesizing and summarizing what you are hearing. When you make statements like "Here are the key opportunities and roadblocks I'm hearing …" or "Kevin, it sounds like you and Debra actually have similar goals here, but you're just stating them a little differently …" you help keep meetings on track and focused.

Don't Go It Alone

As with so many other aspects of developing as a leader, speaking more in meetings gets easier when you enlist an ally in your cause. Ask a trusted colleague to help you enter the conversation. They can say something like "Mona, you've handled situations like this. I'd love to hear your insights."

I also have a variety of products and services to help you build your confidence around speaking up. A great starting point is the title "Communicating With Impact from my Leadership EDGE Series℠. 

Fed Up With Someone? Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Have you lost your temper with a colleague recently — or had someone lose their temper with you?

Stress has a lot of us on edge lately. On top of that, remote work can make it more challenging to address conflicts before they boil over.

So how can you maintain your professionalism and protect your relationships when it seems like everyone is pushing your buttons? Let's take a closer look at what might be happening and how you can find a less stressful way to work.

Why Are Things So Tense?

First, please know that you're not alone. Communication in a dynamic, uncertain environment has its challenges. 

With added pressures and workload, many people are moving rapidly and less thoughtfully. Your colleagues may have gotten worse about looping you into discussions. Or perhaps your boss has started dumping more tasks on you at the last minute. 

Another factor is that we're missing out on a lot of the nonverbal communication that happens when we work face to face. Over email or instant messaging, we can't read each other's body language or tone of voice. As a result, we can come off as harsher than we intend. It's also harder to tell if we've offended someone else because we don't see them bristle or frown at our words.

Finally, it's easier to defer difficult conversations when we don't see the other person face to face everyday and when there's so much else going on. Although you might be thinking, "It's just not worth bringing this up right now," ignoring the issue won’t stop resentment from building up. And, eventually, it's going to blow.

How to Communicate Constructively

If an issue with a colleague has been nagging at you, stop ignoring your feelings. Instead, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is this really about for you? 

When someone gets on your nerves, it can be less about what they did and more about them violating a value that you hold near and dear. If your boss's micromanagement drives you crazy, that's a sign that you value trust and respect. If you strongly value professional growth, your boss's failure to coach you and give performance feedback can feel out of sync.

2. What do you want this relationship to look like? 

To address these types of issues, get clearer about what you want and expect from the other person and yourself. For example, do you want to feel heard, respected or appreciated? 

And how do you want to show up in this relationship? What do you want the other person to understand about your leadership? For example, you may want to come across as calm, professional and reasonable — even under pressure. 

3. How can you provide "feedforward"?

I'm not going to recommend that you schedule a Zoom call with the other person so that you can share your frustrations. Instead, try Marshall Goldsmith's approach of providing "feedforward" instead of feedback. Frame the conversation in terms of the behavior you want to see and your positive intent. For example: "I appreciate how involved you are in my work and know that you're really busy. To maximize your time and give me an opportunity to grow, I am happy to take the lead on this project and schedule periodic check-ins to get your input and share the progress."

Business communication might look different these days, but fundamentals like clarity and respect still hold true. I want to challenge you to identify and address one communication sore spot this week. For additional strategies, pick up "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE Series℠.

Does Your Communication Style Show That You're Ready for a Promotion?

The way that you communicate at work sends big messages about your capabilities as a leader. Do your messages elevate your competence or undercut it? Let's take a closer look at your communication style and how it affects your career. In particular, I want to help you recognize and overcome a common communication mistake that trips up even the smartest professionals.

When it comes to deciding who gets promoted, who gets a raise or who lands that high-visibility project, your boss is looking for someone who can communicate strategically. But what exactly does that mean? A strategic communicator consistently links ideas to the big picture, tailors the message for the audience and demonstrates empathy.

By contrast, tactical communicators can get "lost in the weeds" — often in the world of their subject matter expertise. Their passion or desire to be thorough or educate others can bog them down in the details when they share ideas and suggestions. And pretty soon, people have lost interest.

Are You Strategic or Tactical?

Here are a few examples of how strategic and tactical communicators handle things differently:

Tactical: Is often “waiting to talk” vs. listening. Starts thinking about how to respond even before the other person has finished asking a question. They have a lot to share and they're eager to get it out!

Strategic: Takes time to notice and understand what is being asked, including the question behind the question. Provides information the other person really needs, even if it goes beyond the scope of the original question.

Tactical: Gives exhaustive answers to questions to demonstrate competence or because they believe the other person needs all that information in order to make a decision. Ideas are often presented sequentially, building up to the conclusion or direct answer.

Strategic: Responds with the one or two points that are most important to understand and allows others to ask for more details if they need them.

Tactical: Focused more on what they know. Sees things more from their own perspective and what they want others to understand.

Strategic: Keeps the audience in mind and how to tailor the message accordingly. Understands the fine balance between what they care about and what's relevant to others.

These two styles of communication create very different perceptions of your leadership ability.

If you tend to be more tactical and “in the weeds,” people may tune you out and miss valuable parts of your message. Instead of appreciating your expertise, they may become impatient and irritated. They may even start working around you and turn to others who can provide input more concisely. Worst of all, you risk developing a reputation as someone who is a deep subject matter expert but can’t take on a higher-level, more strategic role.

On the other hand, if you can communicate strategically, people are more likely to think that you understand business priorities and can advance the organization’s goals.

This week, pay attention to the way you communicate with your colleagues. How do they respond to you? And what does your communication style convey about your leadership? To further build your communication skills, pick up a copy of "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

How to Keep Your Cool and Communicate Clearly

Have you lost your cool at work lately? Or been on the receiving end of someone else losing their cool?

You're not alone. These are stressful times (to put it mildly!). And when we're under stress, it's harder to communicate effectively. Showing up the way you want to with your colleagues takes some extra intention, especially during difficult conversations.

How Stress Undermines Communication 

Even if you normally communicate with ease at the office, you might notice that it's more difficult lately.

That's because your brain can shift into a totally different mode under stress. Instead of being calm, creative and empathetic, you may be in "fight or flight" mode. So if you surprised yourself by using a sharp tone and harsh words during a recent encounter, this is probably what was happening.

If the person you are talking to is also stressed, it compounds the issue. They will have more trouble processing what you're telling them and are more likely to get defensive. For example, maybe your direct report failed to do something that you requested even though you thought you had explained it clearly more than once. Or perhaps they acted offended after you made a seemingly neutral statement.

On top of stress, many of us are communicating more via phone and video calls these days instead of in-person meetings. This makes it even harder to understand and be understood. More than half of communication comes from body language. So we're losing a lot of important cues even on video calls.

Do Others Hear Your Words or Your Tone?

You can see all of this play out in a recent coaching call I had with a client.

She needed to have a conversation with an employee who hadn’t completed critical, time-sensitive work. It's one of those talks that nobody looks forward to, even in less-stressful times. So we decided to role-play the conversation to help her prepare.

When we acted out the conversation together, her tone has such an edge that I couldn't even hear what she was really saying. Her annoyance and frustration clouded the entire message. It didn't feel like she wanted to understand what might have happened. Instead, it felt like my client had already made up her mind that the employee couldn’t possibly have a good reason.

I asked my client to go through the role-play again, this time from a place of curiosity, truly seeking to understand what had happened from the employee’s perspective. Her tone was more neutral this time, but she shared so much detail that I got lost.

On the third try, I asked her to keep the same tone but to focus on the "headlines" first, and then details. This time she nailed it. When we debriefed, she laughed, telling me that she simply repeated what she had said in our first role-play. The difference was that this time I “heard” her, because her tone was more open and not so accusatory.

This exercise was eye-opening for my client. She realized that in her drive for results, she doesn’t always stop to evaluate her approach and how it could affect the relationship with her employee.

If you find yourself on edge a bit more lately, a role-playing session like the one I had with my client could help you prepare for a difficult conversation. It can help keep those strong emotions in check and prevent things from escalating.

Before you move on with your day, I want to challenge you to identify one action you will take this week. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Assess your patience level on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being high. Self-awareness can do wonders in helping you make a shift.

• Find a safe place to vent your frustrations. And, no, that safe place is not at work. Remember that handwriting your thoughts (uncensored) on a piece of paper can quickly do the trick.

• Identify one action you can take to reduce your stress level and infuse some positive energy into your life.

Review the key principles of clear communication, which are more important ever right now. My guide "Communicating With Impact," from the Leadership EDGE℠ series, is a great starting point.

Connecting the Dots for Others

There's one area that I always work on with my clients that they never realize they need to work on. It doesn’t come up in our initial discussions about their coaching goals, but it does affect their ability to truly lead with impact and build a strong leadership brand.

Let me explain. Usually, when I ask leaders about the most critical things they want to accomplish from a business standpoint, they rattle off a list of things. The same thing happens when I ask about their teams. Very few of them can easily articulate the two or three areas of focus that guide everything they do.

For example, I have a client who has the remarkable ability to dive into a completely new area of responsibility, learn what she needs to, and restructure the work to maximize results. On top of that, she empowers and develops her team to step up and sustain the performance. She has done this time and again, and can give me countless examples. Through our work together, she has come to realize that her primary focus is on creating sustainable value while minimizing risk for the business and developing future leaders. This is her beacon that guides everything she does.

By realizing this (i.e., Connecting the Dots for herself), she can now articulate a consistent message about her focus and intent. This provides tremendous value because she can give others a way to interpret what she says and does by constantly framing her actions and decisions in the context of her areas of focus.

Remember that others will draw conclusions about what you say and do using their own filters — and they may take away something different than you intend. Let me give you an example to further explain. I have another client (let’s call her Michelle) who has a strong focus on supporting her team. This means that Michelle invests considerable time coaching her new hires, but she also recognizes the need to get her employees working independently without her day-to-day guidance.

So she was surprised at her new hire’s frustration when she scaled back her one- on-one time with him. Michelle knew that pulling back was the best support she could give him because it would serve him well in the long run. However, her employee didn’t realize what she was doing. He didn’t Connect the Dots in the same way Michelle thought he would. In fact, he had drawn the opposite conclusion. By explaining her primary focus, Michelle helped him understand that she was supporting him and how. He now has a way to interpret her actions and understand her expectations.

Remember that Connecting the Dots for others is not a “once and you’re done” exercise. You have to do it again and again — and you can’t do it unless you have Connected the Dots for yourself. So take advantage of the unique opportunity you have to provide a framework to give others insight into what you think is important, what success looks like, and what will guide your decisions. It will also create a stronger sense of conviction for you — about what you want to accomplish, how you will get there, and what you want to be known for as a leader.

Put More Power Into Your Communication Style

Women sometimes undermine their own power in how they communicate. I see this time and again with my coaching clients, and I have made some of these mistakes myself.

Women often don’t realize how their communication style gets in their way or impacts how others view their leadership. Although women may have good intentions, those may not be apparent in their communication. I think this quote drives the point home: “We judge ourselves by our intent, but we judge others by their actions.” So, remember that your actions may be doing you a disservice, no matter how positive your intentions.

Let’s take a look at three common communication traps to see if any of them apply to you.

1.  Getting into the weeds.

Women often make the mistake of building up to their conclusions, rather than starting with the two or three key headlines. They often don’t realize how this can diminish their credibility. By taking everyone through the details first, they run the risk of losing their audience in a sea of information, or giving the impression that they can’t see the big picture or get out of the weeds. Remember you can always provide additional information if others need it — so lead with the headlines.

2.  Holding back.

Have you ever been in a meeting and never said a word? Perhaps it’s because you agreed with what others said and you didn’t see a need to convey that. Or maybe you didn’t want to be rude and talk over someone to get your point across. Or perhaps you simply wanted to respect everyone else’s time and not prolong an already long meeting. Whatever your rationale, what did your participation (or lack thereof) convey to others? Did your presence really make a difference?

So next time, speak up! Before you walk into that meeting or jump on that conference call, take five minutes to anticipate what will be discussed and develop your point of view. This will make it easier to dive right in, contribute to the discussion, and get your voice heard.

3.  Treading too softly.

Women sometimes use a tone of voice or language that reduces their power and influence. Their voice may take on a higher pitch at the end of a sentence, giving the impression that they’re asking a question rather than making a statement with a strong sense of conviction. They may speak too quietly, or use words that communicate indecisiveness: “I think”; “I guess”; and so on.

So, pay attention to what you say and how you say it. To get a better sense of how your communication comes across, ask people you trust for feedback so you know what to watch for.

The good news is that you can address these issues through minor tweaks in your communication. Identify one small step you will take this week to put more power into your communication style. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

The Value of Being “Speechless”

Once I lost my voice to the point of a whisper. It was truly a first for me. As an extrovert and someone who provides coaching and consulting services, it was so hard to refrain from talking. To add another interesting dimension, I also had my 6-year-old son solo that weekend, so writing down what I wanted to say wasn’t an option — unless of course I wanted to limit myself to simple three-letter or four-letter words!

So, between losing my voice and starting off that week teaching coaching skills to a group of leaders, it reminded me of two simple but important ideas relevant to leadership.

1.Notice themes in your nonverbal communication.

Sometimes we forget how much we communicate without ever uttering a word. Whether it’s that scowl on your face, the hand on your hip, or that big smile — you constantly send messages. And the nonverbal cues speak so much louder than words, carrying much more weight if there’s a “disconnect” between the two.

So, right now, take a minute to think about what you are communicating on a day-to-day basis. Do you constantly look rushed, stressed out, or too busy to stop and have a conversation? How do your nonverbal messages align with your leadership brand (i.e., what you want to be known for as a leader)? If you are unsure about what you’re communicating nonverbally, ask for feedback from people you trust.

2.Recognize how the simple act of listening can propel things forward.

During the session I facilitated, I helped leaders practice coaching skills that they can apply to any role or situation. As you might expect, we focused on listening as one of those critical skills. Through various coaching scenarios and interactive role play, the leaders focused on:

• giving their undivided attention

• being “in the moment”

• listening with genuine curiosity

• withholding judgment as they listened

As we talked about the experience, several leaders mentioned how listening in this way can make a huge difference because the other person feels heard. They went on to say how taking this approach generated more engagement, opened the other person up to exploring solutions, and ultimately helped them take action faster.

Think about this for a minute. As a leader, if your team members feel that you are willing to listen and care about their perspectives, they will get more engaged in solving their own problems — giving you more capacity to work on other priorities.

So, right now, look at the questions below to assess how effectively you listen:

• How often do you multi-task as others are talking?

• How much do you focus on how you would solve the person’s problem or what you would say next while the other person is talking?

• How much do you REALLY pay attention to the person’s tone of voice, energy, nonverbal cues, and words?

Hopefully these two simple reminders have made you pause, as I did that week, to consider a small tweak you’d like to make. I urge you to identify one small step you‘ll take in the next five days to align your nonverbal communication with your leadership brand or to fine tune your listening skills. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

Is Your Communication Style Undermining Your Credibility?

Every day you shape how others view your leadership, through how you communicate. You send messages directly and indirectly all the time. Although this sounds really obvious, most people don’t take time to think about how their communication style affects their credibility.

The biggest opportunities to improve how we communicate typically exist when we know exactly what we mean and are laser focused on our message, because this is when we may forget to provide important context. We can leave people confused or making incorrect assumptions about our intentions.

So, here are three important questions to ask yourself before you engage someone, or to have your team think through before they approach you:

1. What do I want the other person to do with the information?

When you approach someone with information, the first thing she typically wonders is, “Why are you telling me this?”

• Do you want me to take action? Help you problem-solve?

• Are you just giving me an update?

• Are you venting? Do you just need me to listen?

Remember to Connect the Dots for others to help them understand how the information impacts them and what you expect from them.

2. How important is this?

Next, ask yourself what level of priority the topic really warrants. Remember that by having a conversation focused on a single topic you may inadvertently give it more emphasis than you intended. Even the method of communication — face-to-face vs. phone or email — can convey relative importance.

Given the level of priority (high, medium, or low) what method and timing make sense? Should this topic be bundled with others? Can it wait to be discussed at a meeting you already have scheduled on another topic? Each approach communicates a different level of priority.

3. How can I connect this to the bigger picture?

Finally, consider the strategic significance of the information you want to share. If you are like most people, you have a bigger issue or business priority in mind even when you are “in the weeds.” How consistently do you make that connection for others in how you frame your message?

If you are in a leader’s office frequently talking about what seem like minor things at a surface level, it can undermine your credibility over time. Ensure the leader understands how each item relates to a bigger picture.

This week, I want to challenge you to think about these three questions as you communicate. Where do the biggest opportunities lie for you? What one step can you take to build your credibility through your communication style? Don’t forget that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Little Things Can Say A Lot

As an executive coach working with high-performing leaders, I regularly hear candid feedback about my clients, often information that no one has shared with them. Over the years, I have noticed how managers can draw big conclusions about their direct reports based on the “little things” they do. Unfortunately, most people can’t see their own detracting behaviors unless someone points them out. Take a look at the examples below, note which ones you do, and the indirect messages those behaviors may be sending. If you’re unsure whether some of these apply to you, ask others you trust.

1. Nervous Habits

• Fidget with or flip your hair

• Shake your leg when sitting

• Tap a pen or the table

• Keep checking your phone

What these behaviors may tell others: You can’t focus, are nervous, or would rather spend your time elsewhere.

2. Presentation style

• Casually lean against something (e.g. podium, chair, etc.) when presenting

• Present seated instead of standing

• Let others take over or divert a discussion you are leading

• Focus more on detail than headlines/key messages

What these behaviors may tell others: You don’t understand the importance of the meeting, have the influence and capability to command a room, have confidence, or see the big picture.

3. Use of time

• Consistently run over in one-on-one or group meetings

• Spend too much time on topics outside the scope of the discussion (e.g., personal or business) before you cover the agenda items

• Have difficulty adjusting your approach when your presentation time gets compressed

What these may tell others: You lack time management skills, can’t manage your workload effectively, are not ready to take on more responsibility, or don’t respect others’ time.

Each of these behaviors should be considered in the context of your working environment, the company culture and what’s expected. If you engage in some of these behaviors, ask yourself (and possibly others) how they serve you or get in your way. That will help you decide what action to take, if any.

The point is to raise your awareness and make an intentional choice that aligns with your desired leadership brand. So, this week, ask others for feedback and identify one small step you will take to convey the right message to others about your capabilities. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.